How I sorted stuff out with my parents.
So my dad and I had another huge bust-up at the dinner table and I asked to leave and go sleep cause he didn’t want to see my face.
And both of us took whatever we were trying to say in the wrong way cause our judgements were pretty clouded by the negative sentiments and emotions flying around.
Following this my dad and I did not speak for a good three days while living in the same house. We did not even look at each other. And I reached a point where I was just wondering if it’s just about who has a bigger ego.
But in my defence, I felt I wasn’t wrong in what I said, I was just misinterpreted. And I felt that reaction of his was really uncalled for. And that really pissed me off.
So I decided I will not make an effort and wait for him to come back to me.
And I’m sure he felt the same thing.
As each day passed, things started to build up inside me and I was really getting into a mood. It started affecting everything. From my relationships with my parents, dodo to how I was in the gym where I was pushing myself over and above the limit, to an extent where my back has started hurting. My work became shit, everything became fucking absolute crap.
And all because of what? A stuck up kid not willing to talk to his dad?
I sat and thought to myself. Why the fuck am I not speaking to my dad?
He’s my father. One of the only two people who are meant to be there for me, whose job is to be my parent. And I came up with such futile and first world problems that the only thing I could do was cringe at myself for being a fucking crybaby and a 'crank.’
So day before, my dad came back from work. He walked into my room and asked where everyone else (gramps and mom) were, I answered and he fucking cut. He just left. I sat there and I was like what in the world is going on.
I just sad 'Dad? Dad? Dad!’, I didn’t expect a response but I did get one. He came back into the room and said 'What?’ with the face of someone who’s been burdened of dealing with the Trumps voice 24/7.
I started speaking to him, I got my points across. And little by little, inch by inch, I roped in my dad to indulge in the conversation. He opened up (he rarely ever does so, never rather) and he really opened up.
He pointed out my flaws in my face for the first time in over two years, he made me understand where I’m going wrong and what the fuck am I actually supposed to be doing.
It turned out that my dad had issues with me which I didn’t even consider. I was blinded by my own stupid thoughts and I let that affect everything.
Soon after the conversation ended after a good 60 minutes, I looked at him, smiled and said 'Thank you, communication solves everything'
And it’s true. It is fucking true. I mean, no problem is too big. Everything can be sorted out no matter how bad it seems.
“We suffer more in our imagination than in reality”- Seneca
My dad and I have legit sorted everything out and now that I look back in retrospect to the fights we had, how I felt about him and how I started viewing everything in a negative way just shows how trivial all of this was. And it extended and spread into everything and affected everyone around him and myself.
And what solved it all?
A simple honest conversation. With no ulterior motives, no inhibitions, nothing to be scared about, just trust and a little faith in the significant other.
I just had to make an effort. And sometimes, that is the most quintessential thing!
I then went on to sort things out with a few other people with whom I knew I had things left unsaid and the relationship in a state of limbo.
And it just lifted that veil that somethings cannot be sorted out.
Balls. No. Undibs. Nothing is too big to be just left aside. People here are too important. We feed off each other, we grow because of each other, we live because of each other.
And we just have one life.
My dad and I are on the best terms we have ever been before with a really great sense of clarity and openness floating around.
Honest to god, just talk it out. There is no friendship or relationship which has soured so bad that it cannot be spoken about and worked out.
No matter what you’ve gone through. Remember that to have had reached the stage with someone, you have had to had formed some sort of bond. And that bond will never die.
If you are in a state of peril, misery or sadness and you reach out to that someone, I am 140% sure that they will help you and hear you out. No questions asked. All you need is a little bit of honesty, which will come out if that person really means so much to you. And everyone respects if not loves someone who is genuine and honest.
It might be hard, I get it. To be the one that takes the first step cause you’re with the mindset that how dare this happen to me. But the key here is to understand that the relationship was at its best when things were positive and the relationship was surrounded by happiness. So there is proof that things can, in fact, be better than they are.
So just be a little reasonable, be mature, be rational, logical and don’t let your emotions cloud your judgement. Be practical as see the world change.